Hav Plenty

Yesterday I briefly mentioned how I struggled with figuring out the program design. But even after finalizing the design, I found something else to get worked up about.

I didn't know how many to print.

I talked to my 'maids and checked online and found all kinds of vague information.

Print one for each guest
Print one for each family
Print one per couple
Print one per couple, and one for each single person
Print the same number of invites
Print 75-85% of the number of guests you anticipate
...etc etc etc

You may have noticed that all of these guidelines pretty much hinge on knowing how many you are expecting at the event. Which is why most brides wait until much closer to the wedding to take care of them. No, this is not an excuse to do them the night before or even the week of the wedding (there is no excuse for that), but you can see why this isn't something you do when you first get engaged, right?

Ultimately, I decided to go with the percentage. I didnt know how it worked, but I could see how planning for 75% of the guests could encapsulate the singles, the couples and likely leave a few leftovers. At the time, I anticipated 150 guests, so I simply multiplied that by 75% and rounded up to the next increment of 5 for 115. Right now we only have 110 guests that have RSVPd, so were well on our way to having plenty left over.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this yesterday, but I am thrilled that this project is complete. It was my last pre-wedding DIY project (not counting the announcements or the favors) and I managed to do it with almost a month to spare (popping my collar). I really love how they turned out, and I think that our guests will enjoy their stylish simplicity.

And I will enjoy the fact that I didn't spend my last evenings as a Miss assembling programs. Lack of DIY projects the week of our wedding: priceless.

♥

Keeping It Real

My nails and I have a...unique relationship. They’re a little hard to love because...

...I have small nail beds. Like, the space where the nails sprout from is very small.

... they’re soft. And not just after a shower, or the dishes. They’re soft all the time.

... they curve up. If you’ve never seen someone’s nails do that, remind me to show you mine when they get a little length on them.

... they have a natural aversion to nail polish. Enough said.

And despite all of their flaws, I just love them. I keep them short because a lack of length helps downplay their flaws. Thankfully short nails suit me just fine. With a little clear or neutral polish, I feel like I’m doing it up big.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve picked up along this wedding planning journey, is to trust your gut*. Especially when you’re as close to the finish line as I am. If you’re having difficulty making a decision, do a quick gut check. Now this only works if you and your gut have an open and trusting relationship (if you neglect your gut, I wouldn’t trust it not to make up stuff – lol). Anyway, while trying to decide what to do about my nails – acrylics or au natural – I did a quick gut check. And as you can imagine, it said “Girl, go get you a manicure and call it a day.”

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to be keeping it real.

In preparation, I went to get a mani last night to even them up, file them down, and work on those cuticles. Finished them off with an adorable pale pink polish. I think they did a really good job. Now I just have to decide if I want pinky nails, or more of a beige-y neutral on my hands for wedding day.

And for my toes... polka dots.
♥

*not that gut, your mental one. I already know that that gut is screaming “TAKE ME TO THE GYM!” – lol.

Case of the 30s

Lately, I haven't been feeling up to blogging. Like I was telling one of my tweeps zoraneale, I usually have enough time and energy to do the wedding tasks, but its a stretch to accomplish the tasks AND blog about them. Plus, I cant really say that I've been accomplishing anything fun. I'm also slightly afraid that some of the 'tude I fail to issue in my everyday life will eek into my posts if I share what I've really been dealing with.

I have diagnosed myself with a Case of the 30s. Today is the 38th day til the wedding, and I all but have a new attitude. Wait, no. I just seem to have a lot more attitude - lol. But in addition to that, there are some other indicators that I've got a Case of the 30s:

I'm scrapping DIY projects. At this point, if I'm not enjoying it, and I think people wont care, and I havent started it yet....its likely to get chucked. The first casualty? The seating chart I planned to make. It was supposed to be an additional way to inform people of their seating assignment, without me having to do individual place cards. Well, I refuse to pay someone to design it for me, and I'm having a terribly miserable time designing it myself. So I'm just not going to do it. Besides, I figure this will ensure that our hostesses definitely have something to do, right?

Half the time I feel really gangsta. Especially when it comes to people RSVP-ing for the wedding. I'm waiting patientily for our RSVPs, but I have NO DESIRE to call the people who are invitably going to fail to respond. Can I delegate that to someone? My weekly personal call list has about 3 (give or take 1 or 2) people on it, and at the rate I'm going, I'm looking at calling 100 people. No f-ing way. If I have to call them, they wont be coming. I'd like to see them get in the door. <--ooh, see what I mean? Gangsta. That aint me. That is some other bride.

The other half of the time, I've stopped caring. Now, don't get me wrong. The major stuff has already been planned. What I've stopped caring about is the stuff I STILL DONT have any control over. Like our rehearsal. Is it too much to ask that we schedule a rehearsal more than 2 weeks in advance? Evidently. So my response is not to care. And my inner gangsta bride requests that you please not bring that situation up, 'cause it really pisses her off - lol.

There are also some definite positive side effects of the 30s.

For one, there's usually more partying to be had. BM Naima is coordinating my Atlanta shower and I am so excited about it! Lots more of my girls will be in tow: MamaP, MdOH Dani, BM Melissa, BM Dionne and BM Naima will all be there. My officemate from school is coming and so are some of my college and work friends. My FL shower was amazing and I know this one will be amazing too. Also, there's my "bachelorette party" that MdOH Dani is coordinating, which promises to be a good time. Plus, if for no other reason, it will be one of the first times that I have all my maids in one place - a reason to make any bride extremely happy.

Another good thing about the 30s is that there is lots of dress news. In my case, the 'maids dresses have come in (cant wait to see them!) and I have my second dress fitting on September 5th. MamaP, Dani and Naima are planning to come with. I think I'm even going to take my veil and my jewelry so we can see how the whole look comes together.

Third, we are finally paying off some of these wedding bills! Enough said, right?

And lastly, my onset Case of the 30s means something pretty important and exciting in itself: that I'm that much closer to the day I marry the PHI and the wedding planning is almost over! Despite my (seeming) ridiculous diagnosis, I am still thrilled about the wedding and about being his wife. I'm also thrilled that wedding planning is almost over and am looking forward to blogging about my other interests- like the Real Housewives of Atlanta, cooking, baking and other everyday randomness.

So to summarize, what have we learned about a Case of the 30s?

1. If you really want to accomplish a DIY project, do it early.
2. Your case of the 30s could manifest itself in the absence of 'tude, the presense of additional 'tude, or a little of both.
3. Dont worry, there's a good bit of the good stuff to counterbalance some of the crap.
4. Stick it out, cause by the end you'll be married.
   

Long story short? Come on October 4th!

♥

Food for Thought: RSVPs (part two)

Earlier in part one, I talked about electronic RSVPs and why they are so appealing. But now I want to talk paper. And there is definitely some strong support for utilizing the USPS for wedding correspondence.

{yes, those are our current stack of RSVPs}
To some, electronic RSVPs are right up there will calling the couple to let you know they're attending. It just makes the whole responding process that much more casual. Which is fine if you're planning an informal wedding in a state park. But if you're going for a formal and elegant affair having people email their RSVPs doesn't exactly send a cohesive message about the formality of your wedding.

A related point is what to do about the senior citizens that might be attending (or planning to attend) your wedding. Both of my grandparents are octogenarians that don't email. However, one our guests, one of Granma's BFFs Miss Alyce does email, and she's well into her 80s. All that's to say that if your only options for RSVPs are electronic ones, its plausible you may have to make special concessions for your older (or non-tech savvy younger) guests. Not a deal breaker, but just something else to consider.

Paper RSVPs could also be a nice keepsake. One of our early RSVP designs had a space for guests to write a message to the PHI and I. I canned that for a more classic design, but I liked the sentiment behind including something like that. On a more practical note, I've also seen couples use that blank space on the RSVP card to obtain infromation about their guests plans for travel and accommodation. If you have alot of guests coming in from out of town and/or are coordinating their transportation from the ceremony to the reception site, having this kind of information as early as possible is invaluable.

Some critics argue that having a card mailed back is really old fashioned. Not just traditional, but old fashioned (negative connotation and all). And on this point, they're actually right. People have been using RSVP cards a looong time, all the way back to the days where written correspondence was the only way to correspond. Most people I know no longer send hand-written correspondence. They dont own any form of personal stationary, nor do they feel the need to send written notes for any reason other than graduations or weddings. Maybe its just me (cause I love stationary, especially if its personalized), but I think that's kinda sad. Im starting to feel like hand-written notes are becoming a lost art form.

I cant say that we struggled with the decision of what to do about our RSVPs. The PHI could care less and I knew right from the beginning that I wanted our invitation suite to include printed cards and envelopes. Personally, I love sending and recieving mail. So seeing a few of those 4Bar sized envelopes in our mailbox daily makes me immesely happy.

But that's me. And these are just some of my thoughts about RSVPs. At this point, I'm more interested in what ya'll think.

What are your thoughts on RSVPs? Is there a technological line to be drawn when it comes to weddings? Or does anything go?

♥

Food for Thought: RSVPs (part one)

{source}
The other day I was reading something on the interwebs about the changing face of RSVPs. Essentially, the article was saying that with all the newer and popular ways to interact with people, that some couples feel like the time honored tradition of mailing a card and requiring that you guests mail it back to you is passe.

I can honestly see both sides.

I think that the onset of social networking like personal websites, blogs, twitter and Facebook have allowed us as a society to let our guard down so to speak. Oftentimes people announce the latest and greatest of their lives to thousands (if not millions) of strangers before their own parents and family hear about it. Therefore, what is the harm in having your wedding guests email you, or leave a message on your website to let you know they are planning to attend your wedding? Evite has been doing it for ages, and companies like Paperless Post are seemingly bridging the gap between the way we used to do it, and the way people are doing things now.

There are also some financial benefits. We have been subjected to annual postage increases for the past couple of years, and mailing invites with enclosed pre-stamped RSVPs can really add up. Our of the 96 invites we mailed out, we had to stamp about 60 outer envelopes, and ALL 96 of the inner RSVP envelopes. Thankfully, I purchased 100 stamps shortly before we got engaged, another 100 or so right before they went up in May. Between save the dates, thank you notes and the invites, I still needed a few stamps to get everything out the door on time. I've stopped thinking about how much we've spent on stamps. Now I just buy them when we need them.

And not to mention that having electronic responses is considered to be very current and fairly cool. So if you are a couple that relishes in bucking tradition and doing things your own way, I can easily see how having people rsvp on your website, or on your twitter page (since Bossip says tweeps cant be deleted) could be totally up your ally. Its just you, keeping it real, communicating with your guests in the way your choosing.

I cant get mad at that. The wedding industry encourages you to do your wedding, your way. And if you way involves electronic rsvps, then I am all about doing it.

I'm sure you can anticipate the opposing argument. But pop by a little later if you're interested in what I think about leaving things more like they already are.

The Photo Sharing Experiment

Today I want to show you the results of a project that was a pain in my arse, but that I hope will yield some interesting results. In this day and age, most of the people I know have a digital camera surgically attached to their hand when they attend events. And I don't assume that my showers or the wedding will be any different. As such, I got this idea (probably off TheKnot or WeddingBee) to give guests the opportunity to share their digital photos with us. Lets call this "The Photo Sharing Experiment." And I'm going to use my wedding shower guests as my sample (sans informed consent, thank you!)

I designed these cute and instructional cards in PowerPoint (surprise surprise). Initially, I wanted to do business cards, but I was having a hard time uploading a business card size image to Vistaprint. So I made postcards instead. And found a coupon code to get 100 postcards for free. Postcards are significantly larger than a business card, but still small enough to slide in a purse. Maybe this larger size will mean they'll be less likely to end up in the deep recesses of a handbag (cause I assume everyone's handbag is as deep as mine - lol).

With postcards, you can never quite call which side you're going to see first. But technically, this is the side I expect people to see first:


Naturally, I used the wedding fonts, and for good measure I included our wedding website url. If I'm able to collect any good photos from my showers, I'll make a slideshow for the website. According to Vistaprint, this is the back. Black and white text was included for the back(I did have to pay to upload my image), so I made it black and white. The additional charge to print in color was not worth it.

This is the side I expect everyone to see second:


According to Vistaprint, this the front. So the color printing was included, but I still had to pay to upload my image. Here is where I outlined (hopefully) very simple instructions on how to upload photos to our Flickr site. I chose Flickr for this project for a couple of reasons. First, brides speak very highly of it for this particular purpose. Second, I used Flickr when I designed our Blurb guestbook, and could easily see making an additional photobooks using images guests uploaded. Flickr and Blurb are BFFs, so importing photos into the Blurb software is seamless and stress free.

Ya'll already know this experiment did not cost me very much. About $18, including the uploading fees and shipping. I really hope that the ladies at my shower will pick up a card and upload their photos. I'm not entirely sure this will work, but if people use them, I'm definitely going to order more for the wedding. Probably business card sized this time.

I'll let you know how my little experiment turns out, k.

♥

You Down With OPI?

OPI: (n) meaning other people's invites.

I've always loved paper and stationary, and wedding planning has severly amplified that love. Last night, while making up our bed MamaP called to tell me about a wedding invite she'd just received in the mail. In the year and some change we've been engaged, I've gotten quite knowledgeable about invites and paper goods in general. So naturally, MamaP was calling to give me a walk thru of the invite and then discuss the aspects that...um, lets just say there were some parts where they dropped the ball.

Instead of trying to tell you about the invite (which I will) I want you to be properly equipped to evaluate it first. Enter one of my favorite wedding planning/invitaitons/advice resources. Mrs. Cupcake over at WeddingBee wrote a 12 Steps to Creating DIY Invitations post that I am sure was as helpful to other brides as it was to me. Its not that she said anything that was terribly profound. Its that all of this advice was in the same place, making it one easy resource for those who are making their own invites, or having to consult on the process while someone else makes them :)

She has 12 steps in total, but I'm only including my faves here.

2. Think carefully about your “reply by” date.
If your venue needs a final count a week before your wedding, set your response date for 2.5-3 weeks before your big day. This gives you a few days to let the procrastinators get their response cards to you (taking into account the fact that the USPS may take a few days), and then have at least a week or so to round up responses from the rest of the stragglers (still also allowing you enough time to put together your seating arrangement if you’re having assigned seating). If your invitees are notorious for being hard to track down, maybe push that date up one more week to give yourself extra time to get answers from everyone. Our reply date was September 1 and we started calling people who didn’t respond on September 6, as we had to let our venue know our final count on September 17th (and we also needed a few days to get our seating arrangement and place cards together).

5. It’s “Two thousand nine”, not “Two thousand AND nine”.
This is a constant battle with some invitation clients who insist that the year should read “Two thousand and nine”, but grammatically, the proper way of writing the year is “Two thousand nine” — no “and”. This is a pretty common mistake, thus most of your guests think it is written with an “and” too, so ultimately it’s not a big deal if you already included it on your invitations. But, being the crazy OCD designer/typesetter that I am, I am a little crazy about making sure my invitations are grammatically correct and I always notice this now on other people’s invitations. (It’s a curse.)

7. Don’t include registry information.
Please don’t beat me up for this one! Although I have heard the argument that some people need to know this information and it’s more convenient for guests to have it all right there, the truth of the matter is it is just not polite. 80% of your guests may appreciate the information, but are you willing to accept that you’ll offend the other 20% enough that they won’t show up to your wedding, OR give you a gift? Proper etiquette can sometimes be stuffy, but this is one etiquette rule that I think should be followed because there are bound to be some traditionalists on your guest list. Stick to passing registry information along by word-of-mouth (tell your parents and bridal party, and they are free to include it on a shower invitation since THEY are hosting the shower for the purpose of showering you with gifts). If you or your parents are close enough to people to invite them to your wedding, it shouldn’t be difficult for them to pick up the phone to call you or a family member to inquire about your registries. Perhaps also include it discreetly on your wedding website, which you’ll likely direct your guests to via an insert in your wedding invitations. But just don’t include your registry information in your invitations.

{you can check out the other 9 steps here}.

Sadly, the invite MamaP received seemingly missed all three of those steps. MamaP got the invite in the mail yesterday, and the wedding is on July 4th. She has exactly one week to respond. I guess since they sent STDs, they figure people pretty much know already. Our own theory is that because the wedding is was planned in 7 months, they ordered the invites as soon as the details were finalized and they mailed them out as soon as they could. Either way, I think they're setting themselves up to get a large number of late RSVPs. They also included their registry information AND the fact that cash and gift cards are welcome.

Hold up.

I am actually in the camp that believes that including your registry information in the invite is tacky. MamaP and I went back and forth about it several times (she wanted to do it, I didn't) and ultimately I told her no. That's what our wedding website is for. But I can understand why a couple would want to. Its hard to say that you didn't know when you've seen the info several times. However, I do draw the line at saying I want cash. People know you want cash. They know you'd love a gift card. Imma need you to leave that part out. Or put it on your website.

And the last one, the date issue, I cant even deal with. Granted, most people wont notice, but it only takes one. Like my Granma. That woman is 85 years old and still sharp as a tack. She would notice and call you out. Its right up there with people saying June 9th, 2009 like this couple did. I shudder a bit when I see that one (most recently on a college commencement program). The thing about the date situation is that once you know the rule, you will always know the rule. Its almost as if its written in red ink and is calling your name. You will see it. And you will cringe. And then you'll probably show it to someone else (who you'll probably have to tell about the rule so they'll see the problem too).

The moral of the story today is two-fold. First, don't let that be you. I could take it back to giving yourself ample time to plan a wedding, but I've spent enough time on my soapbox, so I wont go there. If you're making your own invites do your research and have several people look them over. Hell, I'll even look over them for you if you'd like. Get lots of feedback from people who will actually read it and process the information and not just look at it. If you're having them made professionally, still have several people look them over. The worst possible thing is to have them produced or mailed out, and see something that you should have caught ages ago.

Second, if you send an invitation to me or MamaP were going to discuss it. We are also most likely to be one of the few guests that keeps the paper-goods after the event. So you better make it fab, 'cause we'll have the evidence.

::putting my soapbox away for the day::

♥

Candy Girl

The other day, I was at Michaels looking for...who knows what I was looking for, but I found these in the baking section:


Aren't they adorable? I love seeing kiwi and teal in real-life situations, so I was in absolute color-heaven. At $5.99 a package (works out to be $12.13/pound), they are way too expensive for large quantities. However, I do think they would be a nice little detail for a smaller party - like a baby or bridal shower.


If you're interested in getting your own, you can head over to Michaels or Party City (yup, found them there too). Michaels seems to carry the entire color array (pictured above), so naturally I'd start there. However, last week Party City had them on sale (like $3.99/package; $8.08/pound) so its worth looking into if you're interested.

I am sooo interested. How 'bout you?

♥

Stay with us...in the hotel block we reserved!

Planning this wedding would be so much easier if I lived in the state. Not just in the southern part. Florida period. For starters, it requires you to do a lot of extra planning – because now you have to plan to plan. All vendor meetings (if you want to meet them in person) need to be set up significantly far in advance so as to make personal travel arrangements, accommodate different vendor schedules, and make the most of your time in the destination city. You’ve all seen my posts from when I go home…my trips usually end up being this crazy wedding whirlwind that require me to take some time off from the wedding to pick up where my sanity dropped off.

But anyway, today I’m going to let you in on one of my planning secrets.


This site single handedly saved me and MamaP an unfathomable amount of time when it was time to block out hotel rooms for our out of town guests. This was on March's list, and we were able to easily get this worked out while I was home for Spring Break.

How it works is that after you register with the site, you set up an event. An event is simply a way of saying "Hey, I need hotel rooms for my people." The site asks some basic questions about the event - where the event will be, the occasion for the bookings (e.g. wedding, family reunion), how many nights, how many rooms you'd like to block and approximately what you'd like to spend. Then you wait for the hotels to come to you. That's the beauty of this site. No calling around to see what rates they'll offer and what the terms of the block would be.

Area hotels will respond to your rate (some within about 20 minutes) explaining the rate they are willing to give you and what the conditions are of the rate. For example, almost all of them require that you book by a certain date. Many will allow you to tack on extra days before or after the event at the same rate. Some require that a percentage of your rooms be booked, and others require a deposit. Its up to you to determine what conditions you are willing to live with. We knew that we didn't want to pay a deposit, but that we would be willing to live with committing to filling up a percentage of the room blocks if it was a hotel that we really wanted to use.

So after reviewing the bids, declining those that are not good fits for the event (Boca Raton, Jupiter? hello...downtown West Palm Beach please), we narrowed the list down to three hotels that we were interested in discussing further. At this point, the site provides you with an opportunity to email the hotel sales manager directly through the site, AND provides you with that persons full set of contact information (name, address, telephone, and email) in case they do not contact you before you are ready to contact them. Was this built for over-achiever brides or what?

After establishing contact, the next step I took was to set up several hotel visits. I don't believe this part is required. If you're okay with the pictures and reviews of the hotels online, the sales manager will likely email you the contract, you sign and fax it back in, and they send you the discount code/instructions to pass along to your guests. Then you are free to disseminate it however you want. I'm putting it on our wedding website.

However, if you decide you want to see the hotel before committing, you can set up visits. While there, the sales manager will likely give you a tour, offer you some snacks (or cookies), show you the amenities, and discuss what your plans for pursuing the block might be. Despite this not costing you any money, this is still a sales contract for them and they try to make the best impression. None of the sales managers we met with were pressuring us for the block. One sales manager and I particularly hit it off because were about the same age, and she's getting married in May. Bridget (yup, totally on a first name basis) even wanted to see our website and my lil ol blog :)

At this point, its on you. If you want to move forward with the room block, you can let them know. Like I mentioned before, you'll have to sign the contract, return it, and then will be given the discount code/instructions to pass along to your guests. If after touring, you decide the block is not for you, you can go into the site and decline the bid. If you do not do anything, someone from hotelplanner.com will probably contact you asking what you decided to do. I wasn't expecting that, but it was legit.

Overall, I had an awesome experience with HotelPlanner.com. It was extremely user friendly, and I love how I felt like I saved so much time! I highly recommend you check out hotelplanner.com for any of your event-planning needs.

I'm going to go all soap-operatic and save sharing our decision for for tomorrow's post (unless of course you've visited our wedding website already). That's okay, right?

Great. See you then!

♥

A little perspective never hurt anyone

I read a good number of wedding blogs. In fact, most days I run across mention of a wedding blog that I had no idea existed. The other day, I found Marisa's blog (now she's better known as Miss Cheese) and one post in particular especially resonated with me. She's discussing her thoughts about their wedding day, specifically the prevalent assumption that its "the best day of our lives." You've listened to me go on and on about this, so I think its refreshing when I can read another bride's thoughts about the topic as well.

Ulltimately she defined a wedding as:

"a party to celebrate all that you are and who you’ll become, together. You acknowledge your past, celebrate today, and rejoice that the future will bring even more. You ask that your friends and family offer wishes and prayers for the success and joy of your family, and you honor them for helping you get this far. That’s it. Everything else is a bonus." (You can read the remainder of her post here).

I don't know about you, but I feel so much better when I'm able to put things in perspective. The marriage is a blessing. Everything else: the cake, the dresses, the rings, the invites - basically the makings of a wedding - all bonus.

♥

Sage Words: Part 3

Today’s sage word is an excerpt from a post that Nicole (from Prom to Altar) wrote as a Wedding Graduate on Meg’s A Practical Wedding blog. I only included the beginning of the post, but you can read the rest of what Nicole had to say here. Enjoy!

This is the story of a wedding cake, and about how weddings aren’t about stuff—they really aren’t.

Patrick and I did two things when we began planning our wedding: we set a budget, and we prioritized the things that budget would be spent on. Top priorities included having our large families and closest friends present, good photography, a good DJ, and a pretty location (not mind-blowing or amazing, but pretty). All the rest we decided we didn’t care so much about, and/or knew we could do with very little money.

When we got to the question of the cake- very low on our list of priorities- we discussed a few ideas—cupcakes (more expensive than cakes! Who knew?), having a friend make it (not many people jumped at that high-pressure, no do-overs job), buying a bunch of small cakes (turns out that adds up), or nixing the cake altogether (that didn’t go over very well). We decided to hire a baker, but only if we could find one within the budget.

We came across a woman who baked wedding cakes out of her house for a very reasonable price and went to meet her on a dreary March day. The meeting was great—she had many photos of cakes she’d done, she provided references, and she seemed to understand the (very simple) design we described. She explained the mechanics to us, we discussed logistics, and we put down a deposit.

Fast forward to our wedding day. When we arrived at the reception venue, Patrick and I went to look at the room while our guests were enjoying cocktail hour outside. The room looked beautiful (and gasp! we didn’t even hire a lighting designer!). I had totally forgotten about our cake until that moment, and got excited when I spotted it from way across the room. “Oooo our cake!” I started over towards it. “Um, honey, there’s bit of a problem with the cake,” Patrick very gently said. I noticed at that point that all activity in the room had halted-- the waitstaff, the DJ, our photographers, they were all watching as I approached the cake. When I arrived beside the tower of confection I immediately saw the “bit of a problem”. The bottom tier was cracked, and the whole thing was off kilter. It looked like an earthquake had hit, and there were no survivors. It was not pretty. Not at all.

“Ohhh…. well, alright, whatever!” I laughed. I had just married the love of my life-- I was so happy, in such a good mood, that nothing was going to get to me. The cake could have been in a heap on the floor and I wouldn’t have cared (well, I may have sent someone out to buy a dozen pies in that case). Besides, the cake remained way way down on our list of priorities—that hadn’t changed.

We shifted the timeline around and cut our cake first so it could be removed from view (and away from the danger of completely collapsing on a small child) as soon as possible. Our DJ made a cute joke about being able to have dessert first on your wedding day, our photographers were able to capture the cutting in a way that hid the cake’s defects, and the day went on. The cake was a catastrophe (although it did taste good). And it didn’t matter one bit.

Our wedding day was beautiful.
Our wedding day was incredibly fun.
And the cake was a total disaster.
It just didn’t matter.
That’s the secret that the books and magazines won’t tell you.

So this is my lesson to you. No matter how many books are written about perfect wedding cakes/flowers/dresses, regardless of Martha Stewart articles that argue otherwise, and no matter how many blog posts focus on the minutia, the ‘stuff’ doesn’t matter. The flowers, the cake, the dress, the jewelry, even the venue- all that stuff that gets so much attention while you’re planning actually gets the least amount attention on your wedding day. Your joy, your guests’ happiness, the way you two look at each other—those all have starring roles.

There is something about reading about wedding details that didn’t quite go off without a hitch that reinforces the whole idea of getting married. Nicole, I don’t think I could have said it better myself. And it was a sweet consolation that at least the cake tasted good…which is why I’m totally getting mine from Publix.

This was my last scheduled Sage Words post in this series. I know…time flies so quickly! Don’t fret, I’ll be on the look out for more sage words, and when inspiration hits, you’ll be the first to know. See you tomorrow! ♥

Sage Words: Part 2

Today’s sage word is courtesy of Jenna (previously of That Bride and WeddingBee fame – she’s Mrs. Avocado) and C.S. Lewis (yes, the guy that wrote The Chronicles of Narnia). I was perusing her new blog That Wife and found this in her About Me section. Enjoy!

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called “being in love” usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending “They lived happily ever after” is taken to mean “They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,” then it says what probably never was nor ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?

But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense–love as distinct from “being in love”–is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be “in love” with someone else.

“Being in love” first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise.
It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

—C.S. Lewis

Psychologists generally refer to this kind of love as companionate love: the stuff long and successful marriages are made of. Okay, so I added that last part. ♥

Sage Words: Part 1

I like to think that despite the endless wedding-detail discussion, I am keeping this whole wedding thing in perspective. Believe it or not, I don’t want our wedding day (in all of its future fabulousness) to be the best day of our lives. Its just one day: the day signifying the first day of our married life. Don’t get me wrong, I anticipate it being a good day. A fantastic, wonderful, magical day even. But I also think that the day I’m (finally) called Dr. Patti (even if only by my mama) will be the “best day” of my life up until that point. The day(s) I give birth to our children will the best day(s) of my life up until that point. The day the PHI and I pay off our student loans will be the “best day” of our financial lives up until that point. See what I mean? Context is key and I sincerely hope that my life will be full of “best days.”

Instead I like to think of our wedding day as “one day.” This mantra is what forces me to pay cash for wedding expenses because its silly to accrue debt for “one day.” It also slows me down to hear the PHI when he tells me to hold off on wedding research to watch a movie with him. One day of wedding planning will not affect how our “one day” will turn out.

Lastly, framing the wedding this way reinforces my blogging. Normal people do not spend a year talking about one day. Granted, Mom says when I was little she had to restrict discussion about my birthday (May 20th) to the month of May. If I had it my way, we’d talk about my birthday year round. Many years later, in any given year the plans for May 20th is still one of my favorite topics. The wedding is slightly different, but even still if I had to choose, I’d much rather tell people about how the PHI and I met (a story I never tire of telling) and how much I love him, than about our color scheme, the bastardly budget, or how dramatic dress shopping has been for me – which are the things people ask me about. [Sidenote: officially, the only things I hate about wedding planning are the guestlist and the budget]

In the spirit of knowing that our wedding day is just a day, this week I’ve decided to post a three-part series of articles/posts that I’m titling Sage Words: A collection of wise words about love and weddings, and how to keep them all in perspective (or Sage Words for short). Today you got my $.02. The rest of this week I’ll be sharing what other people had to say. I can’t really take credit for doing any large amount of research – these are all pieces I’ve run across and have found inspirational in one way or another. Hopefully you will too.

♥

Say No to Stress

I'll admit, when I let it, the wedding sometimes stresses me out. Most of the time I keep it in perspective: its only one day...you shouldn't break the bank...no one cares what the centerpieces look like, etc etc. And other days I feel like this:

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Well, today I ran across some good advice on Manolo for the Brides - so good that I wanted to post snippets of it here for your benefit too. Here are my top 3:

A Clear Chain of Command Makes Things Smoother. Some brides want the decisions entirely in their own control. A few grooms want to run the show. A lot of parents and wedding planners think it’s up to them to make the big decisions. In some weddings, one person is in charge of one aspect, while another handles something else and yet a third person is calling the shots in yet another. None of these approaches is the only possible or the only correct one. The thing that matters most isn’t who calls which shots, but that everyone involved knows who that person is. Whether the buck stops with you, your intended, someone’s parents, a professional planner, or the MOH, make sure everyone knows it. That way everything that needs to come to you will get to you, and anything you don’t want to worry about goes to the person in charge of worrying. So sit down before you do any significant planning and determine who’s milking which frog.

Don’t second-guess yourself. Make a decision. Stick to it unless you have a really good reason to change. In the longrun, pretty much nobody will care as much as you do whether you carry lillies or roses, so pick the one you like better and relax about it. If you look at your budget and conclude there’s no room for favors, then blithely forget about them. The wedding police will not frog march you out of your reception. If you’re a vegetarian, then have a vegetarian reception without apology. Nobody is going to drop dead from one vegetarian meal. If you think you look like a marshmallow in white, pick a color that you know you look superfantastic in and wear it with confidence.

Remember that it’s the job of the vendors to please you and the job of the dress to fit you…not the other way around. If you’ve got a vendor who is really pushing something you don’t want because of their preferences rather than your needs, feel free to tell them no. After all, if your circle of friends and family don’t drink anything but wine and/or beer, there’s no point in an open bar just because your site or wedding planner wants to sell you one. If you’ve told the florist you want orange and yellow flowers, you should get orange and yellow flowers no matter how much more traditional white ones are or how much more fashionable purple ones are.

You can read the entire post here.

*woo-sah*
♥